This is a really hard video for me to make.

[this is a straight transcription of the video, which was not scripted]

Some of you probably noticed that in the most recent Q&As that Ooby was breathing a lot heavier than normal. I mean she always breathes heavy but…

In the last month or so she got a really bad skin issue and they couldn’t figure out what it was.

And she started not eating as much.

We tried all kinds of tests and they finally found out the skin issue but something else was happening and they don’t, they don’t know what it was.

Yesterday she wouldn’t eat at all and I called the vet and they told me that they had exhausted everything that they could do and I had to go to a specialist in an ER and I took her there.

They did an ultrasound and they kept her there for most of the day.

They still didn’t know what was wrong.

They said I could take her home and I I did.

And then, when I got her home she passed out and I thought she died but she just passed out and I took her back, I rushed her back and they admitted her to put her on an IV and I didn’t want to leave her because I didn’t want her to die without me there.

So I got a hotel right next to the ER because it’s far away from my house and I got the hotel and I just got into the room and they called me and so I sped there.

And when I ran in they were doing C.P.R on her but she was already gone.

And it breaks my heart that I wasn’t there for her.

I sat with her for hours and I just held her and I talked to her.

I woke up this morning and I can’t believe that I am living in a world that doesn’t have Ooby in it. Because she is my baby. And I know that so many of you guys loved her too. She has so many fans. It was so fast and no one knows what happened. But she is a bulldog and this is what happens when we breed animals to suit what we want and not for them.

She suffered so much because of what we wanted her to look like and she was such a good girl, she loved everybody and I feel like my hearts been ripped out of my chest.

I don’t know what this week is going to look like. I had videos planned of course and since starting Bite Size Vegan I have never missed a video and I have had a lot of crap happen in my life, you know. But, I never let it stop me from putting out the education, you know.

I’ve put out videos while I’m in the ER myself, you know I never stop and I don’t know if I am going to actually take a week or not. I don’t want the channel to suffer because the mission is greater than me, you know it is. I’ve worked so hard to build this channel and to get the message out there. You know, I don’t want to, I don’t want to hurt the overall mission.

And it might be that I feel better if I am working but we’ll see okay? Please don’t give up on me if I don’t post something. And also if I do post some videos that are, you know, that are educational or fun or something and I am in those videos and I’m you know I’m smiling and I seem ok that’s just because those videos are going to be there and I want them to be there for people who need the information and who might not know of Ooby and so for them I need the video to be separate from it but don’t think that I am not thinking of her and that I am not completely broken because I am never going to be okay without her. But I might put videos up we’ll see okay and I might seem okay in them but it is not because I am not thinking of her because when the camera goes off I will think of her every moment of every day.

I might do a video about Ooby.

So I guess just stay tuned. I feel silly putting up anything, you know, ‘cause I don’t want it to make it seem like I’m not…like the world hasn’t changed because it’s never going to be the same. And you know it just makes my heart hurt that much more for all the animals out there who lose their babies because of what we do. I just did the Draw My Life about the dairy cow and her baby and she didn’t get to be there when her baby died.

And I don’t think for a second that they don’t feel what I am feeling. Okay. So I guess just stay tuned I don’t know what I’m going to do I never stop, like I never stop working so we’ll see. But just I guess don’t give up on me cause she was my everything and I am never going to forget her not one thing about her.

Thank all of, thank you guys, all of you. I want to thank my Patrons. All my patrons on Patreon you guys have been with me through this entire thing. You guys have been there this whole battle with her and I thank you guys so much for being there for me. I really, having you guys is like, you are like my family. Thank you for being there.

And now everyone else on YouTube has seen me cry which my patrons have seen a lot so. Alright I am going to wrap it up ’cause this is a long video.

But I wanted you guys to know because she’s, she was the heart and soul of Bite Size Vegan and I can’t believe she is not here. Alright, I guess, yeah stay tuned cause I’ll get started if I don’t do videos this week it will definitely be next week when I try and get back into the swing of things and yeah like I said I’ll look composed and stuff because I always do. I mean there is a lot of stuff that goes on in my life that, that I don’t show because my videos are not about me they are about educating and they’re about getting the message out there so, I know how to, I know how to put that on and to do that when I need to do it and so, that’s what I’ll do.

Because it’s going to be out there for just the people who need the information and don’t know about my personal life and that’s okay. But it’s not because I have forgotten her and it’s not because my heart isn’t ripped in two. Alright, for real, I am going to stop the video. Thank you guys for everything.

see ya next nugget!

 

 

★Subscribe

A Playlist Of Ooby Videos
Learn more about companion animals
The Draw My Life about the dairy cow and baby
Do Animals Grieve? (their pain is just as valid)

 

44 thoughts on “The Hardest Video I’ve Ever Had To Make: Important Announcement

    Allyson says:

    Hi,
    I don’t even know you, but I’ve been watching your YouTube videos for the last month and have really been enjoying them. I haven’t been able to comment on anything because of the Google/YouTube account thing (haven’t figured it all out, it’s a whole thing😜). I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss! I was bawling when I watched your video this morning. It was just so heart wrenching. Time heals and I hope you will soon find joy in the memories. Take care❤️

    thank you so much Allyson. that means very much.

    Sheree Wolfe says:

    Emily,
    I can not express how sorry I am for your loss. I have experienced losing my soulmate dog as well. I know people think I’m awful, but losing Casper hurt worse than losing some human family members. I do want to beg you not to feel badly about making it there as Ooby left this earth. I worked in an ER and Peds ICU for years, and really, truly believe that she was still there, and knew you were there too. You were the best friend a pup could have.
    Love and hugs
    Sheree

    Terrible losing your close partner.

    Cristy says:

    Hi Emily,
    I’m so sorry for your loss, I know exactly what you’re going through as I experienced it last year when my 5lb miniature poodle baby passed. The pain is surreal and the love you feel taken away from you is horrendous. As with all things it takes time for sure to heal the loss, I’m not 100% yet myself but I do know that Nicky is in heaven watching over me and she will be the first to greet me when my time comes. Know that ooby has a new friend. Prayers for you, stay strong and thank you for all the work that you do!!!

    thank you so very much and so sorry to hear about your loss as well Cristy.

    Oh Emily,
    I am so very sorry for your loss. We loved Ooby too and we know how painful it is to lose a child. You did everything you could have done for her and she had a the best life she could have had with you. She knew you loved her and you know she loved you too.
    Our hearts break over and over when we help animals and take care of them and they pass away before we do. I can’t even count how many times I’ve been through it.
    Please know that you are not alone. If you need anything at all, please don’t hesitate to ask.
    Big Hugs and Love to You Both.

    Margaret says:

    I’m so sorry. I lost my lab mix in March to pancreatic cancer and I’m still crying over her. It was a devastating loss for me and it’s been very difficult to go on without her. A lot of people don’t understand what kind of a powerful bond you can have with a dog, but some of us do. Take all the time you need.

    sally anne hubbard says:

    I am so very sorry Emily, I can’t stop crying, my heart is broken.
    Anyone who has loved and lost a pet knows exactly what you are going through and feels for you. We all loved Oobe.
    The grieving process is a long one, I know.
    A book by the late Jamie Quackenbush, M. S. W. “When your Pet Dies” helped me to understand my grieving.
    There are no words to comfort you but know that many people are sharing your grieve and lose of Oobe.

    Oh Emily,

    I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet furbaby. She had an amazing life with you and she felt how much she was loved by you.

    Sending love and peace your way.

    Sophia says:

    She had the best mother she could have. She had to suffer because of the unbelievable arrogance, cold-heartedness and cruelness of human beings… but she also had one of the very few compassionate, loving and kind-hearted human beings in her live.
    We share your pain, even though we will never be able to feel it on such a deep level as you. We will not forget Ooby.
    I cried during the video and I thought of Noa who lived with our family for most of his life. He was a part German shepherd, part Saint Bernard. From our living room to the corridor of our house there is one step down. It is not high but one day he fell that step down and could not get up anymore. I sat beside him for hours and stroked him and hugged him and was unable to help him. I knew he would die on that day but he just looked up to me with his beautiful brown eyes and seemed to be happy I was with him. He had not much energy left but he still waved his tail very slowly. It was over ten years ago. I can still remember the tock-tock of his tail on the floor. When the vet put him down I wasn’t with him. I regret that to this day. I grew up with him and his name was the first word I ever said as a child, even before I could say “Mama”.
    I will remember Ooby. I will keep her in my heart next to Noa and next to the other animals I shared my life with.
    I will never fully understand the relationship you had with her. I don’t want to pretend that I do because that would be presumptuous of me. I think only two people can fully understand that bond: you and her.
    I will be with you: in my thoughts, in my heart and in the fight for all the animals who, unlike Ooby, never received love from a human being.
    Emily, we love you.
    We love Ooby.

    thank you so much Sophia. It means the world to me…and so sorry for your own loss

    Hans J. says:

    Dear Emily,

    I know from personal experience that no words will be able to console you. Maybe you can finde a little comfort in this:

    “More than once, in dark hours, I have thought that those of us who love animals are cursed, destined as we are to be hurt and hurt again, until our hearts are so covered with scars the wonder is that they still can beat. But we are also blessed with warm, comforting, undemanding friendship, of a special poignancy because we know they will be brief.”
    A Gathering Of Cats, Era Zistel

    My thoughts are with you and Ooby.

    Hans

    ian watson says:

    Nothing can be said just know my prayers are with you.

    Claudia says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Emily. Please take comfort in knowing that you gave Ooby a GREAT life, filled with kindness and love and nurturing.

    You are in my thoughts.

    ::big, big hugs::

    Claudia says:

    Sorry for the confusion; I have two emails that I use, due to a PayPal mix-up.

    Anyway, in case you don’t see the note I attached: “In memory of Ooby. Allow yourself to grieve, don’t worry about keeping up your usual pace. Take the time you need. RIP, Ooby. And bless you for giving animals a voice. Take care, Emily.”

    thank you so very much Claudia. means a lot.

    Brinda says:

    Hi Emily. I know no words will make you feel better. I lost my baby too and I wasn’t by her side when she left. The pain is always there and it will never go away, you’ll just learn to live with it. We all are right here for you. Sorry for your loss. :'(

    thank you so very much and so sorry about your baby.

    Elizabeth Strothman says:

    I can’t express how sad I am for you. I lost my own furbaby a little over a year ago – I understand completely your pain. Please know, we all love you and Ooby and if we could, we would reach through the computer and hold you while we cry with you. Do whatever feels right for you. No one will desert you, your fans are and will always be here for.

    thank you so very much and i’m so sorry for your loss.

    Marnie says:

    Emily,

    I am so sorry for your loss. I was listing to your video at work yesterday and had to keep pausing it because I was crying with you. I’ve been thinking about you and Ooby. Take care of yourself.
    Marnie

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Ooby felt your love always. I cried while watching your video and I care. You are in my thoughts.

    Linda O'Dell says:

    I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Ooby will be missed by this viewer, too. She was a delightful part of your videos, and will be remembered as such.

    So sad to hear, sorry for your loss. Big tough guy over here sobbing like I just got kicked in the nose. We all love you and Ooby, take as much time as you need we understand. I lost my Annie 2 years ago, she was my solace and I miss her. My first 4 legged family member. It took over a year before I could adopt again. I would visit the Humane Society just so I could play with the dogs and cats. It helped fill the void, and was baby steps to adopting again. Just last year I came across a rescue dog, and he stole my heart.
    Be strong, take time to grieve, and one day I believe you will find Ooby’s spirit once again. You’ll look into the eyes of a rescue and instantly know that you were meant to be together.
    Thank you for everything you do.

    mike elias says:

    The best memorial for your beautiful girl is to keep on doing what you do for all the animals. The time will come when you take into your home and heart another sweet creature that deserves all the love and attention you can give. You and I both know that Ooby can never be replaced, but we can never ignore the cries of those “other nations”, of our animal brothers and sisters. Sleep in peace, dear Ooby.

    Friderike says:

    Dear Emily,
    I am so sorry for your loss. Words can’t express it. You were the best mom that Ooby could have had. She loved you. For her sake, take care of yourself.
    Take care of yourself and do whatever you need to do. Be nice to yourself. You have done so much.
    Love from Frid, a fellow dog-mommy

    Ann Madison says:

    I am so sad reading this. When I watched you video last week, her snoring reminded me of my dog. It is awful that it happened so quick and unexpectedly but, I am also relieved that the two of you didn’t have prolonged suffering, Im sorry, I am trying to think of a positive and there really isn’t one now. Please take care of yourself and when you are too down to think, drop us a post. You have a lot of people, who have never met you in person that do care about you. We are awake at all hours. Again, I am sorry for your loss.

    Starla says:

    Emily – I’m so very sorry for the loss of your best friend. My heart absolutely breaks for you. And believe me – she knew you were there for her. Sometimes the ones we love don’t want us to suffer any more than we already will – so this must have been her way of showing you she cared as much for you as you did for her. Lots of positive, healing thoughts to you. Keep fighting the good fight. We love you

    Jerri-Beth Scott says:

    So sorry for your loss.

    Hi Emily. I just saw your newsletter and heard about Ooby – I’m so sorry. Our beloved companions sure rip a huge hole in your heart when they are gone, don’t they? I can’t think of anything I can say that will help, just know that there are people thinking of you. xx

    I’m so sorry Emily. I’m praying for you and ooby. I was just talking about you and ooby and how you two helped convinced me to go vegan. My heart goes out to you. We love you and ooby even though you don’t know me personally nor do i know you. Still we love you

    Marisa Herrera says:

    I’m so sorry about your loss, Emily, my deep condolences. Your video had me in tears. Precious Ooby will be missed by all who knew her (whether in person or through videos). Although her body has left, her beautiful spirit lives forever. Our companion animals don’t want us to suffer when they pass away; they want us to celebrate and rejoice the time we shared together. One way to do this is to commemorate activities in their memory, which you’ve already done with her video tribute.
    I’ve lost furkids, as well. I’ve been through the pain, despair, void, loss, anger and letting go. Emily, have no doubt that Ooby thanks you profoundly for everything you did for her and for being her human mom. Our animals come to us for a reason; they have a mission. When their mission is left unfinished/pending; they will come back.
    I saved this post I read years ago on saying goodbye to a beloved cat or dog. In case you’re interested here’s the link http://www.care2.com/greenliving/saying-goodbye-to-a-beloved-cat-or-dog.html/1
    Emily, you’re not alone. My furkids and I send you love, purrs and a BIG hug. RIP precious Ooby.

    Denise Bryant says:

    Emily ,
    Ooby had a heart as vast and as astonishing as the
    universe and she chose you to share her life .
    And she sang the song only you could hear .
    You are warriors both …
    I paraphrase the Bard for you …
    ‘ Give me my Ooby ;
    and when she shall die ,
    take her and cut her out in little stars ,
    and she will make the face of heaven so fine
    that all the world will be in love with the night
    and pay no worship to the garish sun ‘

    She will stay with you , Emily , always .
    And we are here , always .

    thank you so much for this. how beautiful.

    Jack McMillan says:

    Ohhhh, Emily…, I’m so sorry. I know how empty life feels for you now. I know how impossible it seems that Ooby is not here. And incomprehensible. And how hard it will be to go on. I know you will, though, only because you have to. And I know you feel that it is just not fair that you go on and Ooby does not. And that life feels like an empty dream right now. That’s all I can say. There is no sugarcoating it. But we are all here and supporting you and thinking of you. Take a week off if you need to. We are not going away.

    thank you so much Jack. empty dream is so on point.

    Emily, I am so so sorry for your loss. I know from experience that heart wrenching pain of losing our loves ones. Keep Ooby alive in your heart & know he spirit is absolutely near you.

    thank you. I certainly hope she is.

    rift vegan says:

    dear emily,
    I am so sorry for your loss. Ooby was your soul mate, and you will miss her for the rest of your life. It’s devastating, but she knew you were doing everything you could for her. And please remember that you made her life happy.

    {{{Hugs}}}
    rift

    She really was. Thank you so much.

    Iris Ciccione says:

    I’m sorry you lost your baby. I can only imagine the pain you’re going through. Ooby knows you were there for her and you loved her very much, don’t be too hard on yourself. I wish you love and healing. Know you always have her by your side not only as your side kick but as a guardian angel too. You are both loved <3 Super Hugs <3

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